Throwback: Anatomy

I want to keep posting on my blog but am having trouble finding the time!

Last year I spoke at a memorial for our anatomy cadavers and recently found the piece I wrote. Thought I would share it here. Stealing from yourself is ok for your own blog, right?

"Family and friends of the deceased it is my pleasure to welcome you on behalf of the students and faculty of Wayne State University School of Medicine.

As I thought of what I could possibly say on this day to express my gratitude at the selflessness you and your loved ones have displayed I must admit that I was stumped. I wondered what profound thing I could possibly say that would let you know just how much your sacrifice has meant to the future doctors who sit among you today. And then I realized that simple honesty about my experience is the best thing I can share. Through this I hope you will understand not only my personal gratitude but also the true educational value your loved ones have brought to this community that can be replaced by nothing else.

Starting medical school is equal parts exciting and overwhelming. Everyone who has earned a spot in the class has worked very hard to get there and is eager to begin learning all that is needed to succeed in the medical field. Everyone also knows that the information we are required to learn will be extensive and challenging. The first class medical students encounter is Anatomy. The first day of lab we meet not only the classmates we will be working with for the next few months, we also meet our cadaver.

If you could take a peek into an Anatomy lab on that first day you would see a classroom full of students talking in quiet voices and unsure of what to do. For we have come face to face with our first patient, a person who in death has given the gift of their body that we might learn the intricacies of the human form. It is a gift none are sure they have quite earned but Anatomy has started and learn we must.

To protect the identity of our cadavers, students are not given personal information beyond age and cause of death, and yet in my lab group we never let ourselves forget that this person had a life and stories we would never know the details of. Before beginning the task of vigorous memorization of muscles and the like it seemed only right to give our cadaver a name. She was an elderly woman with a sweet face. We called her Pricilla.

In the following months Pricilla remained a constant in our lives. Some days I spent more time with her than with my husband. My classmates and I went through the long process of learning the intricacies of the human body. It wasn’t always easy but Pricilla and those like her remained our greatest teachers. No disrespect to the amazing faculty at Wayne State of course because many times we only found things when pointed out by their skilled hands. With dedication and patience we learned muscles, organs, nerves and blood vessels. We learned how truly amazing the human body is, how different each person can be but also how alike we all are. From time to time I would pause and wonder about the details of Pricilla’s life. I would wonder about her hopes and dreams and it was in these moments I would remember that she gave her body for me to learn and I would feel honored to be fulfilling this last request.

So as we remember the deceased at this service be assured that the students here today will be better doctors because of your loved ones gift of self. It was a gift that has helped us build the foundation of our basic medical knowledge but more importantly has taught us to continue to move forward. To learn what is needed of us no matter how difficult the road is at times. Because if someone who never met us could believe in our abilities enough to give up their body we owe it to ourselves and them to be the best doctors we can be.

Thank you."

Hello 2013

Christmas break was a time for much needed rest. I spent a lot of time with family and friends, slept in, at all my favorite foods, volunteered at clinic, and refused to think about Step 1 preparation.

Now the New Year is well in swing and I am back into my grinding routine but for the most part I really don't mind. The classes I am taking are hard at times but interesting and most importantly, relevant to the clinical rotations I will start in less than SIX months! (Provided I pass Step 1 of course). It is exciting to know that I will no longer only see patients in my free time but actually be doing it on a daily basis starting July 1st.

Actually getting through the next six months is not so exciting. I have 8 out of 9 units of pathophysiology still to tackle and half of the physical exam as well. I also have to make a study schedule for Step 1 which is part of my licensing to become a doctor and then stick to said study plan, because at $560 a try it is not a test I want to take more than once. Not to mention if I don't pass it I can't start Year 3 on time.

Lucky for me I have planned some things along the way to keep me sane. Like a trip to Haiti for spring break and a weekend anniversary get-away in May with hubby. Yes, this first part of 2013 will be difficult but it will be fun and rewarding as well. Bring it on! :)

What about Thanksgiving?

This is something that I continue to ponder every year. Stores always have a huge section dedicated to Halloween things and then on November 1st that section (and the next 3 over) are filled with Christmas things. If your lucky you might find a tiny corner of Thanksgiving decorations as well. Then there is the Christmas music, I like it, I really do. I just don't think I need to hear it non stop every time I go into a store or coffee shop from November 1st until December 25th. It gets to be overkill.

As a Christian, the meaning of Christmas is more than presents to me, but I think to the public as a whole this message is lost. Christmas has been commercialized and after two months (or more) of toy commercials and music I just get kind of sick of it. I love Christmas for the spirit of what it truly stands for and I love that without fail all of my family is in the same state for at least a couple days. However, if I was being perfectly honest I would have to say Thanksgiving holds a tighter spot in my heart and I am sorry it gets overlooked.

I love Thanksgiving for the fact that you can't really commercialize it. Sure, it's about food but a turkey is a turkey, most people don't care what brand they buy, just that it is big enough to feed their entire family. People don't go into debt paying for Thanksgiving. If you can't afford to buy the whole feast you can usually attend a dinner where they do things potluck style. Since Thanksgiving is not a religious holiday no one argues about the meaning. Christians, Muslims, Buddhists and anyone else can agree than being thankful is a good thing. Sure the meal prayer might be said to a different entity depending on who you are but that doesn't mean large groups of people can't celebrate together. There is no need to change the meaning to being about presents so the day remains about enjoying a meal and being together with loved ones.

I think if people remembered a little longer what Thanksgiving was about then maybe Christmas could also retain more of its original meaning. Only in America do we remember all we are thankful for and then the next morning run over each other at the stores trying to get the best deals on presents for the next holiday still over a month away.

So this year in the excitement of the season(s) don't forget Thanksgiving. Be safe if you do go out the day after! And just maybe in all the chaos decide what Christmas really means to you. Despite what the t.v. says a few less presents might leave your time and heart open to something more important.

The Bird

Sorry for the lack of blog posts! I have been keeping up with my new photo blog though so I am proud of that! Second year continues to be very busy so I am finding it hard to have things to write about that are interesting.

Actually, today's post might not be all that interesting either, but I really wanted to write something and I guess I want to get this off my chest.

I don't like our pet bird. He drives me crazy. He rubs his beak together in the most annoying way, he squawks, and he poops.... everywhere!!! It is nasty. He makes it nearly impossible for me to get any studying done at home. Part of the problem is Patch needs more attention than we can give him. Birds are very social creatures and unfortunately he gets left home alone a lot, or when I am home I have things to do that do not include entertaining/training a parrot.

I have tried talking to hubby about my concerns but he refuses to re-home Patch. I get it, he is our pet and my husband is attached. Yes the bird can be funny and entertaining but mostly he just irritates me. I did get hubby to agree that he is on poop duty. However, he has not stuck to cleaning up as often as he said he would so I continue to have to look at bird poop. Yuck. I don't think hubby understands how impossible Patch makes it for me to study. Yes, I can walk to the coffee shop, but then I have to buy something to eat/drink which gets expensive. Not to mention that sometimes coffee shops are noisy as well (though those sounds don't tend to pierce through my ear plugs like squawks). I just want to be able to study in my own home. I really don't think that is asking too much.

No matter how much I might be tempted to open a window while hubby is at work I know I will just have to learn to live with this situation. I did agree to the bird when we bought him. (At least I know to never agree to another one!!!) I didn't realize how much work owning a bird would be or how loud he would be. I take responsibility for not researching better. I also know marriage is about compromise. For whatever reason my husband is in love with Patch. I probably like things hubby doesn't understand (though I am sure they are not as much of an inconvenience as our poop machine).

At the very least I guess I could see tolerating Patch as practice for having children. I know kids will be louder and poop more with no option of re-homing, haha. Who knows, maybe when we finally do have kids hubby will decide our home is a little to full for Patch after all (a girl can dream)!!

Hobbies

Hobbies.

I used to have them and I really enjoyed them. Mostly reading and photography. A little writing here and there as well (hence the blog).

Now I study and go to school. Oh, and watch t.v. when my brain is too tired to absorb anything. What a life.

My husband and I were talking the other day and he told me that I really need to make time for my hobbies again. At first I thought, "I don't have the time". The more I thought about it though if I really tried I could easily make the time. Manage my studying a little better, cut out some t.v. and in no time I will again be a more well rounded (and probably happier) person. I know the opportunity to be creative or spend time with a book really helps me to destress.

This blog has been good because it keeps me writing and lets people know what is going on with my life. The next hobby I want to work on adding back into my life is photography. I love photography and miss it! I did some event and family photography the year before medical school and it was a lot of fun. I have photographer friends and love looking through their albums on facebook (and am quite jealous of how they get to spend their days sometimes). While my talent is not as good as theirs I do know that if I picked up my camera again I could create some nice shots and have fun doing it. I don't think that I have the time to schedule appointments for portrait photography but I find other types of photography fun as well so I have lots of options.

My plan for now is to do a 365 project and document it on a separate blog. This means I will take a picture a day for one year to document my life. In reality I will take more than one picture some days, but the real point is to get me thinking about my camera again and to take pictures of lots of different things. I am pretty excited for the project and plan on starting in the next few days! I will let everyone know the link to the blog or photo sharing place I choose to use.

**Update** Set up the new blog. See it at: http://amanda365project.blogspot.com/

Haiti: Post 2: Ritchy

My second post about Haiti. The one I have been putting off writing (and posting) not because it is bad but because of the emotion that goes along with it.

While in Haiti I fell in love. Not a romantic love; I am happily married and have already had that experience. I fell in love with the children at Danita’s Children and more specifically one child in particular. His name is Ritchy, and when I got on the plane to leave Haiti I felt like I was leaving my child behind. I enjoyed (and love) many things about Haiti, but the honest truth is that little boy holds a very special piece of my heart and seeing him remains my strongest desire to go back.

I didn’t plan on this when I went to Haiti and even now it seems strange to me. I spent only three weeks with Ritchy (and often only a few hours a day) and somehow I left Haiti feeling like I entered motherhood. I don’t have children of my own so I suppose one could argue that I don’t know what motherhood feels like. I desire to have a family, I love children, I have a strong maternal instinct and yet, what I feel for Ritchy is none of those feelings. The connection I have with him is special.

I love all the children at Danita’s children and think of many of them often, but there is something about Ritchy I just can’t explain with the correct words. Actually, I couldn’t even explain the connection to Ritchy himself or have him explain it to me because we don’t speak the same language! I like to label it a motherly connection but the truth is I can’t be a mother to Ritchy because he lives in Haiti and I live in the United States. He lives in a country that makes adoption very hard and my husband and I are in a place where we couldn’t really consider adoption even if it was easier.

I have had to learn to just appreciate what I can do. Right now that means offering sponsorship so Ritchy can go to school at the orphanage and have meals. I also try to send letters and small gifts once a month so he knows how much I think of him. The most important thing though has been trying not to dwell on the fact that while I feel motherly towards Ritchy I will probably never be his mother. I know he is well taken care of and loved by many at Danita’s children. It is hard to not be the one there for him but I know my place is in the United States and there are others whose place is in Haiti.

When I finally learned to accept those above facts I had my moments where I wondered, why? Why do I feel this love and connection to a child who is worlds away from me? Why can’t I just love Ritchy the way I love the other children at Danita’s Children and not feel a special motherly-type love for him? I don’t have the answers to those questions, but I do know that love is not a bad thing. And this motherly-type love is really deep and must be making me a better person to be experiencing it (even when I sometimes worry about things I can’t possibly control from all these miles away). Even if I only see Ritchy once a year I would like to think he knows how deep my love is, remembers it when I am away, and maybe really needs it, from me, more than any other child in Haiti does. I don’t know. Those are things I trust to God.

So I went to Haiti just planning on getting some hands on clinic experience and instead I did some major growing up. Such is life, you never know what will change you.

Haiti (Part 1)

In order to keep this post from being too long I have decided to write about Haiti in parts. Writing about the experience all at once resulted in me writing a few lines and getting frustrated about how to express everything I wanted to. So breaking it down should help avoid that (and keep my readers from getting bored!)

For this first Haiti entry I want to share about why I went down to Haiti in the first place and how my experience was in some ways what I expected and in many ways so much more.

My dad has been traveling back and forth to Haiti since the 2010 earthquake and has been living in Haiti full time for almost a year. In order to move to Haiti my dad had to give up a lot, including a business in the states (I will refrain from details as they are not mine to tell). And yet, whenever I spoke to him he seemed so happy where he was. A part of me understood since I have a heart for helping others as well and yet another part of me wondered what could possibly be so special about this place that my father would give up things that had been very important to him while I was growing up. My dad was changing and developing a new life I knew little about so I decided to go to Haiti so he could share it with me.

From the moment he picked me up in the airport I could see the difference Haiti had made in my dad. He was a calmer and happier person. In fact, as the days went on I realized that this was the happiest I had seen my dad in my entire life! He didn't always know the language but somehow he just fits there. It is like my dad found his purpose in Haiti, his passion, and isn't that what we all need to be our happiest?

It was great to see what my dad does everyday while I spent my weeks in Haiti. Trust me, it is not glamorous, but it is very much needed! It was nice to finally meet all the people he talks about and to be a part of helping those in need. It didn't take me long to realize why my dad fell in love with Haiti and by the end of my stay I was in love with Haiti as well for a variety of reasons: for the happiness it has brought to my dad's life, the loving people I met, the orphans I cared for, the chance to really feel needed and helpful. Yes, Haiti has my heart and while I may not have plans to move there like my dad, I will be taking every opportunity I can to visit!